The Empty Pink Blanket

The Empty Pink Blanket
Dedicated to my mother, Joann Ellen Bourne and my sister.

Alone
Pain
Fear

Fullness

but emptiness consumed me

it consumed my whole being

As she left my body

She left me forever

As I closed my eyes to weep
She vanished into the world

Never to be seen again

Torn apart for a life time

The only thing she took with her is my heart

Alone

Pain

Fear

Emptiness

Joann postponed the inevitable.  Her body constricted in pain.  She knew she was in labor.  She tried to wish it away.   The baby she held close for all these months was about to leave her forever.   She had hoped her pregnancy would never end.   The pain her body was experiencing was nothing compared to her heart.   All at once, she felt unsure of everything.  How did she know her baby would be okay?   What would the parents be like?   Will the doctor really make all the arrangments he promised?   Joann's world was spinning out of control.  

She found herself in a sterile hospital room.   She was about to give birth.   The last thing she wanted to do was to push her baby out of her body.   If we could only be together this way.   Instead, a blonde haired, blue eyed baby girl emerged into Joann's world, only to it leave forever. 

The adoption took place, the records were sealed.  Joann dulfully signed papers through tearful, blurry eyes.    She felt like she was signing her life away.  She was.   She left the hospital mechanically, as if leaving after a workday at the lab.   She was numb.  Was this all just a nightmare?  She starred blankly into space and let the tears come.   Blonde hair and blue eyes.....